What… where…. Who? Videowhats? I’ve been away for a week (pleasure not work for once, although the weather did its best to undermine that) without internet teats to suckle upon and I currently have about as much idea of what’s going in the land of videogames as I do about ballroom dancing.

While the RPS Hivemind straps me into the Rapid Retraining Device, I’ll leave you with news that Dead Island devs Techland’s next, and entirely who do the voodoo-free, offering will be turning up in a mere nine days’ time. After the dark, divisive concept album that was Dead Island, Mad Riders seems to be Techland’s equivalent of the ninety second punk single.

It’s got quadbikes. They are ridden. Madly. Basically, it looks like Mario Kart but with crash helmets and no magic shells.

IMPORTANT FACTS: 45 tracks, 12-body drop-in multiplayer, pretty much seems to do exactly what it says on the e-tin.

That’s out for PC download on May 30, and on the loungeboxes too if you must. It’s billed as ‘the price of a pizza’, but is actually £7.99. Eight quid, eh? I’m presuming they don’t mean one of those horrible Dr Oeteker pizzas made out of frozen cardboard and pre-chewed tomato chunks, then.