Missed the E3 coverage? Never fear, Ross Everett is here to take you on a whistle-stop tour of the event while cracking funnies, hassling attendees and generally being a giant doofus. Enjoy!

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This scrappy Activision reject comes out fighting. Take Hong Kong-set thriller Infernal Affairs. Throw away the half of the plot about an undercover gangster posing as a cop (you’ll only need the half about an undercover cop posing as a gangster). Stir in a blend of skull-cracking martial arts and gunplay from bloodier, shootier Hong Kong action flicks. Pour it into the Grand Theft Auto mould for a free-roaming urban crime adventure. And there you have Sleeping Dogs, the game formerly–more prosaically–known as True Crime: Hong Kong.

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“Do you have what it takes to become Most Wanted?” asks EA’s press release for Need For Speed: Most Wanted, as they begin their recruitment drive for murderers. Oh! No, wait. This is nonsense marketing speak for “Would you like to play our game?” The very splendid news that Criterion – developers of one of the best games ever, Burnout: Paradise – are remaking the 2005 racer greets us this E3morn, which they promise will embrace the developer’s best skills. And that means… SMASHING THROUGH BARRIERS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Here’s the official trailer for Skyrim’s first expanded quest, Dawnguard. As you can see, this is no simple extra mission, but will be a full story, this time revolving around a vampiric lord hell bent of obtaining the Elder Scrolls in order to rule the world by banishing the very sun from the sky.

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Obsidian’s South Park RPG is now known as South Park: The Stick Of Truth. It has a trailer, and it sure does look and sound a hell of a lot like South Park. As in, it looks almost exactly like an episode of South Park, which is a fantastically ringing endorsement for the ongoing power and versatility of 2D art as opposed to its theoretically more high-tech 3D cousin.

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Warface, Warface Warface Warface. Warface? War…face. Warface Warface Warface. Warface! Warface, War, Face, War, Face. Warface. Warface. WARFACE.

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Whether you shed a tear or you wreck a tear… you can actually do neither in this kinect-heavy castle destroyer. Wreckateer is a physics-based destruction game for Kinect. Assume the role of the Wreckateer, the newest member of the Wreck & Tinker Destruction Company. Make your new bosses happy by launching magical ammunition at goblin infested castles, turning them to dust.

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Battlefield 3 Armored Kill is a new downloadable content pack for Battlefield 3 on PC, PS3 and Xbox 360. Armored Kill will be released in the Summer of 2012, and will focus on armored warfare, with large, open maps, new vehicles, including new main battle tanks.

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The fifth installment of the DRM free, multiplatform humble indie games bundle is upon us and it’s a beast. Humble Bundles of the past have always set the bar pretty high in terms of gaming awesomeness, a couple of games you’ve heard of, a couple you haven’t, but all intriguing and a price point you can set yourself.

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When Skyrim’s Dawnguard DLC was announced, we were worried it might end up just being a pair of equippable contact lenses. A new prE3 trailer shows that it’s actually some manner of major expansion with attempts to blot out the sun being made and all sorts. What seems clear is that players will be faced with a choice; do you wish to live in a graveyard and eat people, all supernatural-like, or would you rather have a pair of equippable contact lenses? See for yourself.

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